The Cost of the Oil in my Alabaster Box

You have changed!  As these words were spoken and in the tone, they were delivered, I felt them deep on the inside. I withdrew, evaluated, and thought for a bit. Am I that different? What is missing? Did I do something wrong? I pondered as usual asking myself what was meant by that phrase.  “You have changed!”  

A bit of vulnerability here, as I am normally quite emotionally closed off to the public. However, Revelation 12:11 reminds me that “we overcome by the blood of the lamb and by the word of our testimony”. Now the last two years of my life were a roller coaster.   To share a snippet, and just a snippet, so trust and believe, there was a lot more going on.  The pandemic was in full swing. My husband had lost his job, so I had to deal with the implications of that and the attitude that accompanied it.  My child decided now is the time to act a fool.  Work was stressful, with people picking at everything while I juggled two roles. 

I developed vertigo, so I was spinning like a tot all day every day. In addition, I had migraines that were coming on faster than Universal could release the Fast and Furious sequels.  My mum took ill and so I had to take care of her and deal with the many appointments and the mountain of medical bills that accompanied that.  Then, the week we finally figured out what she had, and it was only mere months since she took ill. She died, and then there was a flood of grief to deal with.

Each problem on its own, I could probably handle. But everything at the same time, many days I felt like I was losing my mind.  Taking sleep aids just to get my mind to relax.  Feeling the need for a glass of wine each night just to unwind. Many nights I fell on my living room floor at three in the morning when everyone was asleep. Crying out to a God who seemed so distant at first, but holding on to the hope, that even though I didn’t feel Him, He was there.   

But it was there God met me.  It was there He picked me up and turned me around and placed my feet back on solid ground.  During that time of constant pressure, when I would pour my tears out, He poured His oil in.  He was gracefully breaking me. I can say He saved me. I can testify of His goodness, His grace, and His mercy.  It was during that time that God came off the pages of the Bible and met me right there in my moments of despair. And some of those intimate moments with Him, I wouldn’t trade.

So YES, I have changed, and I am proud of it.  I can unashamedly shout from the mountaintop.  I have a testimony, God turned my mess into a message.  Only God knows the cost of the oil in my alabaster box.  

So I re-courage you today, that if your change comes from an encounter with God, embrace it. Let the whole world know.  You may lose some people over it and some may never understand.  But own your truth. Don’t dwell on the negatives but tell your testimony of how God saved you.  It may encourage someone, who is on the floor at three in the morning, crying out to a God, who at the time seems distant. It may just reassure them that He hears, He cares and He restores. I can now appreciate being gracefully broken. I can now look back and thank God for the oil in my alabaster box. Click Here